


Swedish Grip

by Pearly_Pornography



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, Hand Jobs, Handcuffs, M/M, Porn With Plot, crack porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-21 12:43:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9549659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearly_Pornography/pseuds/Pearly_Pornography
Summary: A good Christmas and a wonderful New Year for a certain cocaine-addicted clown.Warnings for under-detailed sex. If you came here for real Rockso on Skwigelf action, I am sorry.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is definitely out of character but it's also funny

He'd never actually been sexually involved with a man before. Toki found it surprising when Rockso said so. Did he really come off as the type of guy who'd sexually experiment with dudes? Or like, he'd accidentally bang a crossdresser? 

Regardless, he'd never even thought about it. The idea certainly wasn't abhorrent, just... never really surfaced in his coked-up brain. It only arose on a lonely and depressing Christmas. Amongst the ravaged abortion of the Christmas special, he sat on the nice little couch. Dragging the priest off was a challenge, even for Nathan. Dick had to haul Murderface away, bruised and crying. Pickles assisted in hauling Rose home, as Anja and Molly had already disappeared someplace else, and Skwisgaar was left with the job of helping free Toki and Stella from underneath the wooden cross.

Leaving Rockso and Serveta behind. Everyone watching refused to make eye contact. Not that he gave a shit. All he cared about was the tight, smooth hand around his dick, trying to wrench a fourth orgasm from his nearly-exhausted supply. Her thick lips curled into a drunken grin, thumb slipping across the glans and the very tip.

"Shit, if your son could do this I'd have an even b-b-better reason to go to Mordhaus."

"Maybe he cans."

He paused, digging his fingers into the couch and firing a weak load onto Serveta's mouth, who was still trying to get more out of him. "Come on, we can goes for fives."

"No, no, holy shit, enough's enough, lady."

Serveta grumbled, releasing her tight hold on Rockso's penis and wiping her face unceremoniously on the couch. "...You seriously think little Swede can give a handie?"

"Shores. He ams gots my genecktics. And he ain'ts good for much besides fuckin's gorls and playin's guitars." Quietly Rockso questioned if Serveta was even half as good at being a mother as she was at playing with dicks, but immediately cleared away the thought. Like hell did he need to be questioning his own moral decisions post-handjob. "Why you asks?"

"Dunno."

That was the first time he ever even considered bumping genitals with a guy. Skwisgaar certainly wasn't bad-looking. In fact, quite the opposite. Slap some lipstick on him and he'd look just like an actual lady, or at least, a very convincingly feminine guy in a dress. He'd never considered himself gay, no sir. But perhaps... he'd been overlooking an option right in front of him.

A few days after Christmas, Toki was already done being pissed off. It took him a whole day to realize he had enough money to re-buy any important gifts with no issue. Thus he and Toki were back to smoking and drinking in Toki's bedroom, telling shitty jokes and beating each other over the head with pillows.

"Hey Toki." He took a deep breath, inhaling the marijuana smoke beneath his lips. "C-can I ask you a favor?"

"Jeez, Doctor Rocksos." Toki grumbled. "You owes me moneys after sellin's all my Christmas gifts!"

"I bought weed, didn't I?!"

"You takes my wallet and says it's on you."

"Do me a solid, come on."

"Eeeeh." Toki took a long puff, leaning further back into his bedsheets. "What is it?"

"How can I, uh..." Despite being inebriated by marijuana, Rockso attempted to choose his words semi-carefully. "How can I get Skwisgaar to gimme a handjob." Toki stared at him like he had three eyeballs and an anus on his chin. "You know him better than I do, baby."

"You wants de hanksjobs from Skwisgaar?"

"Just wanna see if he's as good as his momma."

"Probablies." Toki shrugged. "He usually screws goils, but maybe he ams uh... Bi... bisexicals."

"Hmmmm." Rockso's cheek met his palm, deep in thought. "If you can help me out with this, I'll take you to the c-c-carnival." Within mere moments Toki perked up, as much as he could whilst affected by the relaxant in his hands.

"I loves de carnivals!"

"Yeah, you sure as hell do!" He took a long breath of marijuana. "Just like I do cocaine!"

"Wells, it'd be kick-ass to goes on dat ferry wheels..." Toki paused. "I'll helps you out. It'll be you's, uh... Newt Years surprise."

"You're a real pal, T-t-toki."

Then was a few days of radio silence on Toki's end. Rockso supposed he wanted to get the timing just right and do it on New Year's. Of course then he realized it was because Skwisgaar would be drunk and more likely to touch his penis, which... was just sleazy enough for Rockso to accept it. (Whether or not that plan was Toki's intent remained a mystery.) Rockso didn't fuck any women all that time, didn't even jack it. He was saving it. This was special.

December 31st came fast, and Rockso self-invited himself to Mordhaus' New Year's party. It was fancy and shit, with a whole bunch of big names invited in. Charles was hardly happy to see the rock and roll clown, but Toki refused to let him be kicked out.

"I gots you a sorprise, Rockso."

"Wonder what it could be."

"It gots blonde hair, it gots blue eyes, and it gots Swedish genetics." Toki gave Rockso finger guns. Rockso returned them. "He ams in de upstairs hall. We goes to de ferry wheels dis weekends? Can I takes a friend wit' me?"

"Sure, kid."

Up to the upstairs hallway. Rockso felt like he was celebrating a second Christmas, as excited as he'd been in years. The only thing that could make this better was, possibly, doing lines of coke off of Skwisgaar's hairline. (Sadly, this was one of the few times Rockso didn't have any nose candy on hand. Bummer, he'd be up for sharing with the guy when they were done with the biz.)

One of the radiators shook, creating a resounding 'clank' that echoed through the walls. Rockso could see him. Hunched over, red-faced and tugging at a pair of handcuffs. One end attached to the radiator, the other his wrist, just tight enough that even his lithe hand couldn't fit through. Hearing the jingling bells on his boots, his prey locked eyes with him, wrinkling his nose and groaning. Right where he wanted him.

"You could, uh... gets Toki to come un-does dis t'ing dat he does?" Skwisgaar pulled wordlessly on the cuffs. "Ams hortin's my wrist."

"Favor for a favor."

"I buys you all de cocaines you wants. Now hurries up, I gots to take a piss."

"No, no, no. Somethin' different." To Skwisgaar he must've looked like a crazy person, eyes boggling, dancing over his perfected features. Sharp cheekbones and smooth skin. Damn, did he want to see all that just fucking get overturned and screwed up. "A handie."

"...Eck-scuse me?"

"C'mon. It'll be juuuuust like playin' your gee-tar."

"What de fucks. N-no, I hates you."

"You're just gonna be stuck here all night if you don't. Gonna miss that p-p-party."

Possibly, it was the alcohol, but Skwisgaar seemed to be in a bit more of a malleable mood than usual. "It'll be quick and painless, baby."

"Fine. Don't tell nobodies abouts dis or I kills you." His lip curled. "Did you get Tokis to helps you wit' dis."

"Maybeeee. Too late to back out, I'm pullin' out my dick!"

"Eugh-- How de fucks you ams dat big?!"

Rockso considered himself pretty well-endowed. But getting told that by the god of sex himself was quite an ego boost. "Ams fuckin's bullshits..." Skwisgaar grumbled, lazily putting his hand over the head, squeezing it a little. "Handjob ams done."

"No it ain't! Not until I say it is!"

"Sheesh, olrights." He grunted, giving a quick swipe at the dick in front of him before allowing his fingers to curl around it, and jerking it. Sloppily. Awkwardly. (He was drunk, after all.) But nonetheless, pretty damn good. Though Rockso generally preferred BJs, and thus didn't have a very large scope of experience on the "HJ spectrum".

Which was most certainly a thing.

"You amn't's cummin's fast enoughs."

"You've only been doing this for like, a minute."

"Pfeh!" Skwisgaar rolled his eyes. "Fucking cokes-up penis... Can'ts evens cums nones..."

"The fuck crawled up your ass and made you so impatient?"

"Handcuffs."

"Obvious question. Fine, fine, I'll--"

"No." He stared. "I ams determines." Rockso could see the saliva sticking to Skwisgaar's lips as he licked them, then proceeding to roll his tongue over the slit very slowly. Shudders in his old bones, he almost reached to tug on those wild locks of blonde hair, but immediately had his hand smacked away. "Hopes you know I ain't dones dis in awhiles."

"Fuck's sake, kid, you're drunk, don't bite it."

"I amn'ts dat drunks." Rockso opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a high-pitched screech. Man, Skwisgaar was going in deep. Could feel the back of his motherfucking throat. A quaking twitch in ran through his thighs, he could feel tongue and lips and roof of mouth against all the most sensitive parts of his dick. 

A line of saliva drew between his crotch and Skwisgaar's lips as he withdrew. "Fuck's sakes."

"Jesus." Rockso could taste the paint on his own lower lip, the way he was biting it. "You're a fuckin' pro."

"If I ams parfessionals why de fucks doesn't you finish?!"

"That's a stupid question, you've only been doing this for like... teeeeen minutes!"

"Bullshits." 

"It ain't bullshit, it's-- are you takin' off your pants?!" Holy shit. Holy shit. This was taking an entirely new and unexpected turn. Skwisgaar had a pretty good ass on him, too. Rockso was practically bouncing up and down in his fucking shoes. This was way, way, WAY better than getting a handie from his mother. "Are you givin' Dr. Rockso the signals that he thinks you're givin' him, baby?"

"Ja, ja." Skwisgaar peeled open a packet of lube, slicking the fluid across his fingers and covering his bare fucking asshole with it. "Don't go tellin's nobodies abouts dis." 

Shit, it was so perky and tight...

"You don't want any like, foreplay? A blowjob? Somethin'?"

"Horries up, asshole."

He didn't need to think too hard about it. It was probably one of the best rounds of anal sex he'd ever had. Tight and wet and fucking... damn. He finished in like. Seconds. "Dere. Now un-hanks-cuffs me, 'tanks you."

"Alright, I uh..." He paused. "...Toki never gave me the keys."

"Well goes 'n finds hims den! My asshole ams fuckin's stickies!"

"Okay! Okay! Jesus!"

...Totally worth getting yelled at later on for leaving cumstains in the hall. Murderface seemed oddly interested in them. Hey, maybe Skwisgaar's bandmates could give as good a fuck as he could. Of course, he wouldn't know until he tried.


End file.
